Be to the el to the ay to the aych

I think I am the most hormonal I have ever been and with that said NO I am not pregnant. That statement was in reference to my range of emotions, even within just one day. I definitely am aware that the winter months don't help me too much. I have soooo many things to be happy about and to look forward to but I get stuck on the things I do not have. Yes, I am refering to a significant other. Believe me I am aware its not all roses and sweet moments but I have such a hole in my chest for that want. I had two holes. One was filled by my beloved little monster, my son, but the other is like a stage four pressure ulcer on a bony prominence that is still being neglected... Its ugly and it hurts something fierce. I hate sounding like one of those people that NEEDS to be with someone, but i guess i do! lol. As much as i have tried over the years to pretend i dont.
The last guy i was with... He treated me stellar and when we were together I did not have a complaint in the world. But when we were not around each other that is when the doubt crept into my mind. Not doubts about him cheating, cause i can honestly say that was not the type of guy he was. The doubts were more about how into me he really was. I felt that i called more, i texted more, i emailed more.. I absolutely HATE feeling like i am doing more then the other person in the relationship. But the way things were when we were together was so great, comfortable, fun.. that i just passed it off as me being insecure, over reacting. Turns out i was on the money. He thought i was amazing,everything he was looking for in a girl, his family loves me, His family would ask how things were going and he'd say great, not one complaint. He was attracted to me, thought i was an awesome mom, he could talk to me about anything...But.. he didnt feel that extra umph. Didnt feel that need to see me, to be around me. It hurt like hell cause even though we hadnt gone out for long all signs pointed straight ahead.. no apparent bumps in the road. He initiated the pet names, he initiated the friday night QT time.. and then BAM that was it.
Ive already gotten to the half way point. You know "half as long as the relationship was is how long it should take you to get over someone..blah blah blah". Well i'm there and I am not over him. Its more so that i am not over "US" then him. But knowing that its not really him and its the US doesn't make it any easier. Holidays suck when your single and depressed. I tried to make it all about my monster but he's still kinda small so i still have all this down time to myself to wallow in my self pity.
So here I am again.. I'm gonna blog it away.